Keeping Sanity
by XxXDegrassiGirlXxX
Summary: Clare Edwards always kept her sanity,but with her family spiraling out of control and worrying about her friends and boyfriend can she really hold onto the sanity that kept her from breaking? Rated T for now! I suck at summaries,I hope you guys read it!
1. Chapter 1

Keeping Sanity

Tears poured down my cheeks as I locked the bathroom door doing my best to drown out the muffled screams, breaking glass, and noises of slaps and punches being thrown, "Stop it!" I screamed as I pulled at my curls. The sound of furniture being roughly toppled over soon conflicted in with the other noises. I sighed shakily while the tears continued to fall from my eyes like waterfalls and got up and swung the door open and made my way down the staircase, "Can you stop fighting and hitting each other?" I screamed while my eyeliner mixed with my tears as I stood at the foot of the stairs. I was supposed to go out with Adam and Eli to the movies, but my parents ruined it when I saw them fighting by my only exit. I ended up staying home to afraid to face them. They looked at me, my mother bruised and somewhat broken and my dad covered in her blood, "Why do you fucking hit her?" I asked him still screaming. Neither of them said anything and I turned to my mom, "And you, why do you provoke him?" I continued my desperate rant searching for answers, but only got flinches from the power in my voice as they stayed silent and speechless, "You're making me go fucking crazy!" I yelled as I glanced at the both of them while my tears and eyeliner dried on my face, "Fine, don't answer me, you two fucking disgust me, I'm going out and don't expect me back any time soon!" I said still with a raised voice. I grabbed my purse and cardigan and walked out of the house slamming the door on the way out. As if on cue a hearse pulled up to the curb. I quickly wiped away as much of the tears and make-up that I could and slipped on my cardigan as I saw Eli say something to someone in the passenger seat, Adam, and he got out and when he saw me he made his way over to me, "What happened, me and Adam waited for like half an hour for you?" He questioned and his angry expression softened and turned to concern when he saw my disastrous appearance, "My parents were fighting again." I whispered as I sniffled and began to cry again. He gently grabbed me and hugged me tightly, "You're not…cutting again, are you?" He asked nervously, "N-no, I just feel like I'm going crazy because of them, I feel like…everything good in my life is being destroyed, obviously god hates me for something." I replied slightly shuddering from the bad memories of my cutting and he sighed as we pulled apart, "God doesn't hate you, you're parents are just having problems, really complicated problems, and you're wrong, me and Adam will always be there for you, we're your best friends, at least you should realize that your life does have meaning. You're a beautiful, smart, and successful girl; don't let your parents fighting make you think it's your fault." He replied as he grabbed my hand and gently squeezed it. I broke down in tears and my knees wouldn't hold me any longer; they brought me down to the grassy ground. He still had my hand and fell to the ground with me and I looked at him through my tears, "I-I'm sorry." I choked out through sobs as he grabbed me again and picked me up bridal style carrying me to his hearse. I buried my face in his neck as he opened the passenger door causing Adam to move into the middle. He placed me in the car and walked around to the driver's side. He started up the car as Adam looked worriedly at me, "What happened?" He whispered to Eli, but I could still here him, "Her parent…their just not getting along right now and it's really getting to her." He replied with frustration as he looked over at me then back to the road in front of him.

We stopped in front of a grassy area with picnic tables and swings, it was my childhood park. The place I went to when I wanted to remember the simple days when I was a kid and nothing was complicated. They were the only ones who knew that I went there a lot when I was stressed. Eli grabbed my hand and helped me out of the car and Adam soon followed, "That's cute." We turned to Adam's bittersweet expression and looked down at our hands. We both let go of each other's hand and a scarlet red tinted my face as I looked in a different direction while I caught a glimpse of Eli with a smirk, which I've gotten to know all too well, on his face. All three of us stopped in front of a small picnic table that held so many memories at the same time. Like when I had a crush on Eli in sixth grade, I decided to carve our initials into it. Eli for some reason finds that to be cute. The only thing is; I still have a crush on him, actually, scratch that; I'm in love with him, but I doubt he feels the same. The only person that knows about me being in love with Eli is Adam. Adam pity's me, he knows what it's like to get messed with or being in love with someone and not knowing how they felt. He was messed with by the one and only Fiona Coyne, she had a drinking problem and Adam couldn't trust her, but she made him believe that she was going to get better, but it was all a lie. Ever since then, he's been really screwed up and never really tries for a relationship. He was really in love with her, but all she did was rip his heart out. Eli and I have tried numerous times to get him to date, but he refuses.

I sighed happily while looking at the small picnic table that my two best guy friends were sitting on. I never really understood them, they were always so unpredictable, and it actually sort of freaked me out sometimes. I mean having an insecure Adam and reckless Eli was a lot to handle, but I eventually realized their state of insanity was normal, I wasn't sure if I was sane at the moment. For me, I'm the paranoid one; the one who's always afraid of what the bad news will be, the one who always worries about the future. I thought for a second and looked at them both, "Do you guys ever wish you could just, go back in time to when you were happier?" I questioned looking down at the table as I could feel two pairs of eyes burning holes into my forehead, "All. The time." Adam's voice rang through my ears and I shot my head back up to see Adam sitting down with his head rested on his hand that was propped up on the table, "Definitely." Eli replied looking down at the ground. I could see the sadness in their eyes and could hear it in their voices. We were the trio of misfits and that was our label, at school anyway. When we were out of school our lives were filled with crazy drama that only we knew about.

I cleared my throat and stared at Eli then back at Adam, "Why?" I asked, "Well, it was easier being Gracie and Adam when I was nine, no one knew and would never find out, I thought that maybe in high school things wouldn't be so bad, but I just had to screw it up with the whole 'going after a girl situation'." Adam replied to my question angrily and I gave him a sympathetic look and turned to Eli, "Well, for me it was all about the fact that no one really judged when we were in elementary school, I liked being 'just another kid' and now my nicknames are 'emo boy' and 'freak'. I liked not being noticed." He said with a sad sigh, "What about you?" He continued while looking at me, "I guess I liked being care free and that no one could depend on me to do complicated things and…that my parents were in love back then." I replied while he and Adam looked at me.

I got up and ran over to the swings and decided that I wanted to forget all the bad things in life and be the care free little kid I use to be. Adam and Eli walked over to me and began chuckling at how childish I looked while I wiggled my flats off and started grinning as I began to swing myself back and forth. Adam sat in the swing beside me while Eli started pushing me. After a few swings he grabbed my waist stopping me and started tickling me, "Stop, E-Eli, stop, th-that tickles!" I shouted as I got off the swing trying to run away, but he ended up grabbing my waist and tickling me. I pushed him causing him to trip and he grabbed onto me bringing me down on top of him. I blushed and quickly tried to get up, but he pulled me back down, "Don't move, I wanna try something." He said as he moved his hands from my wrist and cupped my cheek with one and pressed me against his body with his other one that was now around my waist. He slowly pulled my head down and our lips brushed coming in contact. He pressed his lips against mine tenderly and traced his tongue over my bottom lip begging for entrance; I opened my lips and his tongue thrust in to my mouth tangling with mine causing me to gasp lightly. I could almost feel him mentally smirk. He rolled us over so he was on top of me. He let his hand drop from my cheek and propped himself above me and used his other hand to caress up and down my side; starting from just next to my right breast and down my side then waist, and stopping on my thigh. He gently rubbed his thumb around my thigh as he pulled from the kiss leaving me in a daze. He brought his hand back to my cheek and rubbed his thumb around my cheekbone, "I do like you, what made you think I didn't?" He questioned, "Wait a second, how'd you find that out?" I asked as I sat up causing him to do the same, "It sort of slipped out when Adam was talking to me." He said shrugging it off, "Remind me to thank him and kill him later." I replied with a smile. He chuckled and looked at me again, "Clare, I've wanted to ask you this for so long, but was always too chicken to, will you be my girlfriend?" He asked nervously while taking my hand in his, "Eli, of course I would." I replied smiling, "YES! I mean…cool." His expression went from shocked to cool causing me to giggle, "You're such a dork." I said shaking my head at him, "I know, but I'm a hot dork." He replied, "Correction, you're MY hot dork." I said pulling him in for a kiss.

**Reviews! I really hope you guys liked it! I will definitely continue this story! haha **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Um, gross." I heard Adam's voice behind us and Clare quickly pulled away blushing about ten different shades of red. I smirked and got up then helped Clare to her feet. We all walked back to the hearse and stood there, "So, do any of us wanna go home right now?" I questioned glancing at my best friend and girlfriend and they shook their heads, "That's what I thought." I replied with a sigh. We climbed in and I started driving around aimlessly. Clare started getting all jittery and jumpy and looked at me with a grin on her face, "Oh my f-ing god, there's an ice-cream parlor right there, Eli, can we pleeeasee get some ice-cream, I love ice-cream!" I laughed at her inner child, "Well, we could make a deal, I get a kiss and you get your ice-cream." I said with a smirk and looked over to my right to see Adam fake gagging. I chuckled and turned back to Clare, "Well, I think we could make that happen, don't you?" She replied sexily, "I think we're grossing Adam out." I whispered in her ear and she turned to Adam as if she forgot he was even there and smiled sheepishly in his direction. I pulled into the parking lot and turned off the ignition and we all got out of the hearse and made our way to the ice-cream parlor. Clare ran over to the line and looked at the menu, "Oh my god, there's so many flavors!" She yelped with wide eyes at me and Adam. Adam started cracking up laughing as I watched her swoon over ice-cream.

Clare and Adam were the only people that I really trusted; it was like they knew my situation from experience. I only told them about how my dad used to hit me when I was younger. Clare was going through a similar situation. She used to be a cutter because of her parents and their fighting. She tried to commit suicide only once, but I'm guessing that Adam and I are holding her together at the moment. Adam came from an uptight family and when his mom found out that he wanted to be a girl she started forcing girlish things on her to change her mind and when that didn't work she would just hit him. We all came from crazy home lives, but we grew up together and it was normal for us by now to deal with all the drama.

"Oooh, I'll take cookie do in a cup, oh and can I get some jimmies on that and I want the cup size to be medium, please." She told the cashier. As we waited she skipped around in a circle and every once in a while would walk over and peck me on the lips while Adam watched in disgust. Once she got her ice-cream we all sat down at a small table right outside, "Eli, I wanna feed you." She stated while looking at me with a spoonful of cookie do ice-cream ready to feed me, "No way, you are not feeding me!" I exclaimed, "Oh come on, it's so good!" She argued back. I sighed in defeat and looked at the spoon with ice-cream all over it mixed with Clare's saliva. She scooted closer to me and sat on my lap then put the spoon right in front of my mouth, "Open wide." She said with a smile, "You know, if it weren't for the fact that you're sitting on my lap, I would completely hate this right now." I told her with a smirk and she blushed, "You know, am I really that invisible?" We both looked over at Adam, "Sorry." We replied in unison, "You said you'd let me feed you, so let me!" I turned my attention back to Clare to see her making a pouty face, "You're so childish." I said with a sigh then I opened my mouth and she grinned then shoved the spoon in my mouth. She pulled the spoon away while I looked like I was going to barf, "I hate cookie do, why couldn't you have gotten chocolate or vanilla?" I asked trying to relieve the horrible taste in my mouth. She laughed and got off my lap. It was sort of awkward for a second then Adam's phone went off. He looked at the text and blushed. Clare and I looked at him suspiciously, "Who was that?" I asked, "Oh, no one." He replied nervously, "Mhm." I said still curious. I got up and sat next to him and Clare sat on the opposite side of him and we both went for his phone. I ended up getting it after a few seconds of wrestling. My eyes went wide as I read the text; "Can't wait to see you tonight, winkie face…and it's from Alli." I said looking at Clare then back at a blushing Adam, "Alli?" Clare's shocked voice rang through our ears, "Awww, that's so cute!" She continued in a squeaky voice looking at Adam.

The ride back to Adam's house was crazy, Clare hammered him with questions about if she knew his problem and if they were going out; blah, blah, blah. We pulled into his driveway letting him out and I faced Clare, "Do you want me to take you home?" I asked already knowing the answer, "God no, I can't face them yet." She whispered looking at me, "Then what are you going to do?" I continued and she gave me puzzled look, "Well, I'm gonna sleepover at your house tonight." She said with a smirk, "Sounds good to me." I replied and we started off to my house.

I opened the door and threw my keys on the table, "Mom, dad, I'm home!" I yelled from the living room and took Clare's hand leading her through the house and upstairs to my room, "I guess my parents are out at some concert." I said with a chuckle, "Well, I didn't bring any clothes." She stated. I looked at her, "I have some pajama pants you can borrow and the t-shirts are in that draw." I replied pointing at the dresser. She nodded and I handed her the pajama pants and she walked away to the dresser as I sat on my bed. She finally chose a shirt and walked off to the bathroom connected to my room. I took that as an opportunity to change. I threw my skinny jeans in the corner and took off my shirt. I found a pair of white and black plaid pajama pants. I slipped them on just in time for her to walk back into the room, "I hope you don't mind, I thought I would be fine without the pants." She said standing in the thresh hold of my room. I turned my head to see her wearing a baggy t-shirt that hung low just over her hips without the pajama pants on. I gulped suddenly becoming nervous, "N-no, th-that's fine." I replied stuttering and she smirked at me, "Do I make you nervous, Elijah?" She asked in low tone, "W-what would m-make y-y-you say that?" I asked still stuttering. She wrapped her arms around my neck and started to open mouth kiss up and down my neck. She suddenly flicked her tongue out and started licking and nibbling on my Adam's apple, "C-Clare, what are you doing?" I questioned as she pulled me over to the bed.

I pulled away and looked at her, "I think we should wait a while, I mean we just got together." I told her and she stared back at me with watery eyes, "Oh my god, I'm so stupid, I thought…oh god you don't wanna be with me do you, like _with _me with me?" She asked while crying as she stood up and started to gather up her clothes, "Wait, I never said that, I just think that we're rushing into this, we've only been going out for a few hours." I told her as I pulled her into me by her waist, "I do want you." I whispered to her and she smiled, "I just thought, I don't know." She said with a sigh as I pulled her into a hug, "I really like you; I don't wanna rush into anything, that's all." I reassured her and she nodded. We lay down on the bed and she fell asleep in my arms. I kissed the top of her head as my eyelids got heavy and soon I fell asleep holding her in my arms.

**I just needed something little to happen, next one will be awesome, promise. What if Fiona came back and tries to break up what Adam and Alli have, will he be naïve like before or will he stay strong? You'll find out! **


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